She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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