i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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