oh god the rape fog is back!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
