If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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