It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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