Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
