So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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