also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
