Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
