dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
