"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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