walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
