dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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