he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
