i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have fence marks all over my body
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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