11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
