In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
