I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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