It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
