I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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