can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
