smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i dont even know how to be here
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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