i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
