I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
