I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
