It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize