New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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