tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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