I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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