It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
