I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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