mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
