Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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