I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I did not marry a roomba.
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