i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
