I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
