So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
