is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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