ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
