if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
