dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the day after is always just damage control
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
