You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
