Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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