10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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