I smell stomach acid.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
