Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
