There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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