Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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