May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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