i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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