I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
