Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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