And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
