I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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