I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He felt like a one man threesome
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need water and some morals
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
