you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
