Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
