In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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