she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
