I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
