Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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