New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
