He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
