Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I die, sorry about rent.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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