I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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