Can Purell be used as lube?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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