I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
