chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have post one night stand depression
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