i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
