I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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