The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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