But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
