I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
