Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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