So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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