Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize