If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
