before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
