$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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