I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
