So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
