so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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