What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
