Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
