i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
