You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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