I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
