if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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