you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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