we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
