It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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