I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize