I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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