dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
