i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize