I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
