so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize