He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize