Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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