I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
